HA! I am f*cking tired of all these shit. I won't even bother to explain myself to any of my family members. They won't get me, they never did... they never will. And that is the truth that I accepted long ago.
I am tired. Tired of dealing with all the dramas. Family, what the hell is family? Do they expect me to give up my dreams for them? Do they expect me to give up my life for them?? We only have one life. Fucking one life! They could give up theirs, why would they ask for mine. They can call me whatever they want. I don't expect anything from them, and they shouldn't expect anything from me as well.
I am willing to help, but I am not willing to take your responsibility. I hate traditional responsibility and obligations. They consume you, they want you dead. First it will ask for your time then slowly you will end up dead. I am selfish. I am perfectly aware of that, and I believe I already established that. I am not selfless. I will give only what I can give. I wont give in my own extent. Call me self-centered, I live my life for myself, if I don't, then who will?
Now, I am the bad child. The ungrateful one. The only who wont give a penny to her parents. Damn it! They are strong as hell. They are educated, why not use it? Just a little help? Screw you! I give you help once and then you asked - oh let me changed that... you demanded more??? What the hell?? I am deviant. You should have known that! For god sake, you guys brought me up! You should have known it! You should have never expected anything from me!
I have dreams to follow. I have to support my own dreams. Why would I give it up for you? You fucked up my childhood - my life. You fucked up my psychological being. This dream that I have, this is the only thing that keeps me going. I refuse to die miserable. I have spent my childhood days, crying every single fucking night! Hurt with all those shit that you tell me. Hurt for every blow of physical pain you give me. It was so damn hard not to hate you. It is damn hard not to curse you. I spend my teenage life, trying so hard not to hate you, not to hate myself, not to hate the world. I spend my life trying so fucking hard to forgive and forget. I accepted all of your shit because your my parent(s). I accepted how irrational you guys are. I accepted every shit that you give me just not to hate all of you. I know I will always look bad in your eyes, but it never crosses my mind that you also want me to look bad to the eyes of other people. Horay! Thank you for spreading in the world how awful I am as a child, how ungrateful I am. I don't even have the guts to tell to anyone what you did to me! I am ashamed that my very own parents abuse me. I am ashamed that I went through all of that. I never tell anyone, afraid that it will ruin your image. After all, you guys are my parents. I should protect your image.
But you just crossed the line. I will never ever allow you guys to hurt me again. I will never ever spend my remaining days on earth suffering, and crying miserable. I refuse to let you ruin my life. I refuse to let you stole my life away. I had enough.
Someday, I will break away. I will leave this hell. Where is home anyway? I guess I have to find it in other place. I am awful.
P.S
Readers, forgave my inconsistent and grammatical errors most are intentional because sometimes I'm just pertaining to one, and sometimes I'm pertaining to both.
