Torn

I am TORN. Not between two lovers, though (I wish!).

I am torn between flying away, meaning I could save my sanity and just start a fresh new life but flying away means that I have to put hold on to my dreams. If I stay, then I have live my everyday life in chaos with a constant stress which wouldn't help me in achieving my dreams.

I have this acting out tendencies. I tend to oppose in whatever my family want for me. They want me to go abroad because of the money, of course! A part of me want it too... I want to get out of this place... I want to start fresh. Now that I'm about to graduate, I think that is what I really need. But if I go abroad that means that I have to put on hold of my dream being a psychologist. Of course, if I go to first world countries my degree wouldn't matter. I am from a third world country so they will think that my education doesn't have the same quality. I must admit, I do agree with that. The knowledge that I have is limited.
If I'm going to stay here, that means that I have to live my everyday life with their constant nagging, bullshit and just severe stress. If I'm going to live away from home (just away not abroad. lol) - if I'm going to be independent... well, that can be financially draining. I have to pay for the rent, electricity, water, internet, food... oh just tons of bills. Living with my parents can save me some gran, but of course I have to give them something to make them shut up. I have to save money for my grad school, and my goal is to save at least half a million within 2 years. lol - Yes, it sound so impossible but I believe everything is possible.


*sigh* But now that I'm thinking about it... I think the first goal is to save my sanity, so yes - I choose to fly away, but then there's no opportunity -yet. If my relatives abroad will ask me again to go there, then I will accept it. Forget about the pride! Just save my sanity. Of course, I have to work here, gain experience... and just ready myself for the bigger world. Oh.. I kinda feel excited by the thought of me flying away. Not running away, flying away! :)