I just realized that you don't have to do everything perfectly. I mean, perfect in the sense of thinking how others will see it. I admit that most of the times I couldn't appreciate my work because I feel like others wont. I depend on others perception of perfect. I was pleasing them. It took me a while to realize that.

It sucks. And the truth sucks. I just realized that a couple of minutes ago when I was looking at my classmate artwork. It was not perfectly drawn, but it was perfectly beautiful. It was beautiful because she is proud, and her works speaks for her. To be honest I am envious of her. She's really cool and smart. She's a good writer, that's what I envy the most. If ever one day her works got published (I wish it could), I will definitely buy a copy of it!

Back to her art work. It was not something close to perfect (technique wise), but it was still beautiful. Then I asked myself, why I never appreciate my art? Why I never post it? That is because I am coward. I want to please them and it's stupid. I know that I am capable. I know I should not give them what they think they want. I should show them what I am and let them appreciate it. Let them love it or hate it. I shouldn't be afraid.

It was stupid of me. I thought I was wise enough, but then again I am blind. I was blinded with my own illusion. I was trying to hard. I was not being myself.

Come to think of it, most of the renowned artist in the world does things the way they want it. They don't really care that much on how others will perceive them. All did was expressed themselves and stay true. Edgar Allan Poe who always drink a lot. Sigmund Freud (yea he's not an artist), he faced a lot of controversy, but his psychoanalytic theory contributed a lot to the world of psychology. Even the great artiste, they don't give what people want from them. They do what they want and let the people judge them.

All the extraordinary people stay true to themselves. And I must do the same, we must all do it.

I want to break free. I don't want to be a prisoner of my own fear anymore. I should believe more in myself.