So I was hanging out with my two best friends, let's name them HE & SHE because he's a HE and she's a SHE. We've been friends for a long long time! Yea, like really long. At first I don't really consider S as a best friend because I can't really be true to myself around her, I just hangout with her because she was bullied, and I don't know how it all happens but we become friends and suddenly she's stuck with me. I don't really like her at first, and I feel guilty about it. When we were you, S has a weird smell but maybe because I have a very very sensitive nose, and it triggers my migraine. Anyways, I didn't know how I survive that smell of hers, but thank God she smells fine now - I guessed? maybe I'm just used with that. lol
Being friend turn me to something quite mean, like after being her friend my original best friend let's name her "K" we got into a fight and I betrayed her. I really regret that, even though I know that what she did was wrong but still I shouldn't have betrayed her even though I got pissed at her. K and I are still good friends but we never really saw each other after high school graduation and during high school we barely talk, I guessed I couldn't face her because I know I am such a stupid girl.
During high school I have this friend let's call her "A", A has a broken family and I guessed mad and pissed at her family, she's lonely. We hangout during our 6th grade, then when we got into high school we still hangout out but not as often as we were back in our 6th grade. She turn to be kinda bitchy girl, she gave her virginity to someone who's like 24 (not sure) and she was 13 or 12 back then? She started drinking and smoking and I don't do that kind of stuff and she also got an abortion. I didn't know that until when I was in 3rd yr. college. I feel bad, because I know I could help her, but I didn't ask her if she's fine because I was busy with my blooming teenage life. When we were in our junior year if I can remember it right? "A" migrated to North America, and before she go there, I saw her walking at this mini restaurant in front of my best friend "S" subdivison. I saw her, I'm with S that time and we are going to the mall, before we ride a cab, A called me and I wanted to have a long talk at her. I could see at her eyes that she's over joyed seeing me and wants to have a long chat with me, since we haven't really see each other after she quieted high school because she's going to NA. "A" even bother to go across the street with me just to have a talk but then a cab suddenly came and S force me to ride, and for some reason I followed her. I could in A eyes her sadness and disappointed. I feel really guilty. When I got home, I saw A again but this time she's aloof the I realize I must have gotten hurt her. I wanted to say sorry but there's no words that coming out to my mouth. So yea, ever since that day we haven't talk. I feel guilty.
I know I shouldn't blame S for my betrayal to A and K because it was my choice. But I realize I've been an idiot ever since I become friend with S. I got pissed at her, so I stop talking to her and I told my issues with her but not about this stuff, I told her that it's not good that she's taking our friendship for granted because during her debut she thanked everyone except us (me and H) so I was really pissed and I realized that I've been valuing a wrong person. We are best friends and she forgot to thank us??? Like hell! So I didn't talked for her for like a year? After that we become best friends again and she listen to all my complains and she's improving.
Now after hanging out with her, I realize one thing. She never listens to me. I am very secretive person, even to them, so I rarely talk about something so I expect them to listen when I talk and she doesn't listen to me! She keeps on interrupting me, and what sucks is when I know for a fact that I always listen to her! I'm a good listener, I bet I am. So yea, it sucks to realize that until now the person who I consider as "best" friend is not like a "best" friend at all :|
And for H, I don't really have any complains. He always, listen to me and he's my shopping buddy! :) He is really the best among all of my friends, he's not gay - in case you're wondering.
Anyways, I'll try to work this friendship i hope in time she could be a good listener too. Like H and I.
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